Stealing Pineapples
by Miss Basset
Summary: It's always a bad idea to forget to find a lawyer 20 minutes before your trial.
1. Chapter 1

**Title**: Stealing Pineapples

**Author**: ME (Basset)! Shocking, isn't it?

**Summary**: It's always a bad idea to forget to find a lawyer 20 minutes before your trial.

**Genre**: Humor

**Paring(s)**: Shassie (possibly, not sure yet if Shassie will make it into my story)

**Author's Note:** I thought of this idea when I was listening to NPR a few days ago. They mentioned something about a 3-Strikes-And-Your-Out law, and I thought it would be funny if Shawn got arrested because of it... but no one else seemed too... *shrugs* I'm not sure if Shassie will fit into this story, but I will try to make it. Because you can never have to much Shassie goodness in the world.  
Anyway, this is my first fanfiction, so I'm terribly sorry if I'm horrible with Shawn or Lassie or any other character. And I probably am.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Psych or any of it's wonderful characters. If I did, Shawn and Lassie would be a couple and living happily ever after... and Jules would possibly be with Gus.

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**-1994-**

"Finally!" Henry yelled as he read the headlines in the morning paper. "I sure hope this law is going to put a lot more people in jail for a lot more time."

"What law dad?" A teenage Shawn asked as he grabbed a doughnut and took a huge bite out of it.

"The California law makers have finally adopted the 3-Strikes-And-Your-Out law. If you have committed two felonies, and then you do something as insignificant as stealing a pineapple, then your sent to jail for at least 25 years." Henry replied as he took a sip of his coffee.

Young Shawn laughed as he took another bite of doughnut. "Who'd be stupid enough to steal a pineapple?"

**-Present Day-**

Shawn Spencer could not believe it. He just couldn't. There was the possibility he was about to be sentenced to jail for 25 years for stealing... a pineapple.

A pineapple of all things! It was all because of that stupid 3-strikes-and-your-out law that California had. Sure, he had stolen a car and stolen another car (a more expensive one, and the owners really had pushed for him being sent to jail), but there wasn't really a need for sending him to jail for stealing a pineapple!

And it hadn't exactly been stealing in the first place. Well, if you counted walking out of a store with a pineapple that you hadn't bought but fully intended on paying for later stealing. And Shawn had been planing to pay for the pineapple... after Gus gave him some money.

"Don't worry Shawn, it's going to be okay." Jules said, comfortingly squeezing his hand.

Since Shawn had been caught walking out of Walmart with the yellow spiky fruit, both Gus and Jules hadn't left his side. Lassie had dropped in every now and then to see how they were doing, but never staying for more than 3 minutes. He had said he was in the middle of a big case, and for once Shawn didn't pester him.

Suddenly, Lassiter slammed through the door and walked over to Shawn. "Your trial is in 20 minutes, we need to get you there. And did you have to just wear pants and a t-shirt? I mean, we want the jury to vote in favor of you, not against you!" the man said, roughly grabbing Shawn's arm and dragging him towards the door. "It's days like these that I really wish I had an extra suit around here."

"Whoa Lassie, why are you all worried about me not being sent to jail? I thought you always wanted me sent to the slammer." Shawn interrupted, trying to smile. But over the past few days he seemed to have forgotten, so the smile looked more like a grimace.

"Didn't Guster tell you? I'm your lawyer." Lassie said, looking from Shawn to Gus, an eyebrow raised.

Glancing over Gus, Shawn's eyes narrowed. "Hm... nope, he didn't tell me. How could you not tell me Lassie was my lawyer Gus! We're supposed to be best friends!"

"Hey, we didn't have a choice... When Detective Lassiter found out you had been arrested, he decided to take your case up himself. He wouldn't take no for an answer." Gus muttered. A nod from Jules seemed to conform this story.

Shawn's heart sank. How was he supposed to be able to win this if Lassie was his lawyer? The man was a detective, and a good one at that. But a lawyer? "Lassie, man, you know, I think it'd be a good idea if maybe we got someone who actually knows what their doing to defend my case, if that's okay." Shawn said, trying to get out of Lassiter's grip.

At that, Lassiter laughed. Actually laughed. "And where will you find another lawyer 20 minutes before your trial?" he asked, tightening his grip on his captive and continuing to drag him across the police station.

"Oww Lassie, don't bruise my sensitive skin! You know, it'd look bad for you if I arrived to my trial all beaten up and bruised." Shawn said, fake pouting.

Lassiter rolled his eyes. "Ya, and it will look even worst if you show up late." Reaching his desk the detective grabbed a briefcase and stuffed a few folders inside of it. "Come on Spencer, we're cutting it close as it is."

Shawn shrugged and followed the older man. Well, he'd been able to charm judges before, he was sure he could again. So hopefully he wasn't going to need any of Lassie's horrible lawyer skills.

Not that he knew Lassie was a bad lawyer.

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So... not the best ever.... I hope you like the idea.

And I'm not sure if Shawn had committed two crimes... so I just made up him stealing another car...

Wow... I wrote almost 1,100 words... I wish my english or social studies essays were this easy.....


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks so much for the reviews, it makes me smile every time I see them. And now onto Lassie's (hopefully) wonderful thoughts!

I really can't decide if there should be Shassie in my story or not, so I set up a poll on my profile. So please go over there and vote, it'd help be a lot.

Oh, and I am sorry it had taken me a while to update. Thanksgiving and becoming sick really takes time out of the day.

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Carlton Lassiter did not know what he was thinking.

Here he was, sitting in his car, about to go defend Spencer from being sent to jail. Wasn't that what he had always wanted? There was finally an opportunity to lock the annoying fake psyching away for at least 25 years, so why was he actually defending him?

With a sigh Lassiter turned to look at the man sitting next to him. As much as he would love to, he just couldn't find it in him to hate the man anymore. Maybe it was because Spencer was finally acting more like an adult. The thought of going to jail seemed to finally knock some sense into the man. Or maybe Lassiter had finally come to like the annoying fake psychic.

It had to be the first option. There was no way on earth that Lassiter was actually beginning to like Spencer.

"Whoa Lassie. Keep your eyes on the road!" Shawn yelled, reaching over and starting to turn the wheel. In Lassiter's thinking he had completely forgotten he was driving and there were other people on the road too. Mumbling under his breath the man slapped Spencer's hands away and turned back to the road.

"Now aren't you glad you know me Lassiekinz? If I wasn't here you'd be a huge puddle on the road right now!" the younger man said, becoming his old self once more.

Rolling his eyes, Lassiter sighed. So much for the mature Spencer. "And if you weren't in this car I wouldn't have even forgotten about the other drivers." he muttered, his hands tightening in the wheel. The detective was now holding the steering wheel so tight his knuckles were turning a white-ish color.

"Oh Lassie, do I distract you?" Spencer asked, his already huge smile widening even more, if that was possible.

"You know Spencer, it wouldn't be a good idea for you to piss me off. I can drop you off at the court house and let you defend yourself. Actually, that's a nice idea." A small smirk played on Lassiter's lips at the idea.

"NO!" the younger man yelled, Lassiter's smirk widening.

"Um... I mean, I don't need you. I'm sure I can defend myself fine." Spencer added, turning his attention to the other cars on the road.

"Whatever you say Spencer." Lassiter muttered.

A few minutes passed in silence before Spencer turned to Lassiter again, a confused look on his face. "So Lassie... why exactly did you say you wanted to be my lawyer? And not that I don't appreciate it or anything, but do you really think you'd be the best lawyer for me?" he asked in one breath. It was as if the man was worried if he didn't ask that question at that moment he never would.

"You may be psychic Spencer, but you don't know everything about me. Along with getting a degree in criminal justice in college, I also took a few law classes. So I'm not completely hopeless in a court room." Lassiter explained in an annoyed tone, avoiding the first part of Spencer's question. He didn't even know exactly why he had decided to defend the conman. But it most certainly wasn't because he was starting to like the younger man.

"Well? You didn't answer the rest of my question." Spencer prodded. It seemed the younger of the two wasn't giving up that easily.

Lassiter rolled his eyes and sighed for the second time. "Does that really matter Spencer? I'm your lawyer, that's all you need to know."

"Humph." Shawn scowled, crossing his arms as they reached the court house. "That's not fare, we're supposed to be partners Lassie-face! We're supposed to share every little detail about each other!"

"First off Spencer, you are not my partner." Lassiter said, getting out of his car and slamming the door shut. "And second, even if you were my partner, I would never ever share anything involving my personal life or feelings with you." One of these days the fake psychic would understand the fact that he was not an actual police officer. Sure, he helped from time to time, but that didn't mean Lassiter had to share every single detail involving himself with the man. It was times like this where Lassiter really wondered how O'Hara could stand, or maybe even more than stand, Spencer.

Spencer quickly got out of the car and followed his 'lawyer', rattling off question after question. Whipping around Lassiter pushed the younger of the two up against a wall and leaned in close.

"Listen to me Spencer, and listen good. I don't know what possessed me to decide to defend that sorry ass of yours, but I do that if you ask me any more questions that have nothing to do about our case at all I will make sure the jury votes go to put you in jail. And maybe even for a longer time. Do you understand me?" Lassiter was inches away from Spencer, their noses nearly touching.

"Sure Carly. But I really don't get why the price of a pineapple in Argentina doesn't relate to my case."

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So... I'm still not sure about how I'm portraying Shawn or Lassie. I think near the end Lassiter was a bit more in character, but I don't know.

Please review! Reviews are like watching a psych marathon with episodes that center around the pure awesomeness of Lassie.


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